"Britney, Lindsay and Paris: The Three Disgraces" by 14.

14, as she is known, is the creative force of one of my favorite sites, Gallery of the Absurd. Simply amazing, hilarious ... a treasure on the internets.

14 writes:

"La Primavera is one of Sandro Botticelli's best known paintings. The angelic figures shown in this ethereal work of art all represent mythological characters. While viewing this painting at the Uffizi, my eyes were drawn to the fluid movement and delicate beauty of the Three Graces. According to Greek mythology, the Three Graces represent beauty, charm and joy. Contemporary mythological characters such as Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton are the antithesis of grace. This makes them the Three Disgraces. They represent sleaze, trash, and desperate cry for attention. What makes these women think we want to see high resolution photos of their bald, flabby, and in Britney's case, Kevin Federline-infected genitalia?"

now what you've all been waiting for: 

The Ten Things You Don't Know About Britney Spears' Vagina:  

Sexual Consent the video.

I don't know who Dr. Ava Cadell is, but I first thought her downloadable Sexual Consent form was a joke. But then I read this:  Sexual Consent Form - Dr. Ava Cadell

All I can say is: Bring Back The Seventies.

Here is another article reaffirming my belief that biology trumps all. I touched much of this in my Salon.com article, The Gentlemanly Art of Spanking, some years back, but it is nice to hear from a woman, in a woman's voice.

How Feminism Ruined My Sex Life

An excerpt:

You know that stuff you’ve been reading in the girly magazines that tell you that women like to be romanced with candlelit dinners before you gently (gently!) make love to them by first giving them hours of oral pleasure and then softly (oh so softly!) penetrating them while staring lovingly into their eyes…always making absolutely sure that they reach orgasm first?

Well, it’s all bunk.

Do you want to know what we really talked about when discussing the best sex we ever had? We talked about our scraped knees and the bruises on our backs where we were bitten in the throes of passion. No one even mentioned that time you filled the bathtub full of rose petals and blah, blah, blah. It was that time in the back seat of an old chevy with our faces crudely pressed up against the window that got us hot. 

This poor girl is in for a big surprise ... or, looking at her body language, maybe she got the surprise last night.

Many years ago, I was the member of a club that met on Tuesday evenings. Mutual friends introduced me to an attractive, tall blonde woman, whom I shall call T. I was immediately smitten.

It turned out that T was the coffee and snack person for the weekly gathering, but didn't have a car. Naturally, I offered to pick her up and drive her and the goodies to and from the meeting.

Over the next few weeks, we got better acquainted and my hopes for a more intimate relationship were bouyed by our conversations about music, the seventies, her claims that she was a total pervert ... you know, the usual.

Intellectual Whores Homepage

Home of the Ladder Theory in male/female relationships.

I can't remember how I found this site - so often the case, isn't it? But I periodically return for a laugh. This guy has given the nature of attraction a lot of thought. And I must say that his theories and analyses of the the ongoing situation are consistent with my own extensive experience and observations over the years. 

I have been both asshole and nice guy in years past. Nice guy (listens to her problems, is sympathetic, polite, etc.) almost without fail gets relegated to friend status. Asshole (showing up drunk once or twice a month and rapping loudly on her window after the bars close) gets welcomed into her warm bed.

Ladies: You can protest all you want, but the facts are the facts.

I love his bit about what women say they care about but really don't: intelligence, sense of humor, honesty, sensitivity etc. ... I know ... that stuff counts ... later. 

Not saying I agree with everything he says all the time, but the Intellectual Whores Homepage, but much of what he says rings true.

Salient excerpts from the site after the jump on the "Cuddle Bitch"— a place no man wants to go, and also on Beethoven's Fur Elise, a brilliant analysis of how Louie von B probably used the same piece of music to seduce countless countesses. 

(Note to self: would this be disingenuous thing to do? Must ponder when time affords.)