Tea for Two

There's a tender scene in John Waters' film Pecker in which a hunky young stud, engaged in the act (nay, art) of tea bagging, explains to his aghast parents that he's not really gay, he's what's known as 'trade'--"Guys blow me!" he explains above the din of the bar. Ah, Baltimore.

I wonder if the toothy founder of the New Life Church and president of the National Association of Evangelicals, the mesmerizing Ted Haggard, fell under the spell of trade, the pagan rhythm of tea bagging beating like a tom tom on his brow. I wonder, not because I'm prurient, but because the mysterious currents of human nature fascinate me so. And because it confirms my suspicion that all Republican men are privately, passionately, exceedingly gay. According to this exciting morsel, Haggard took part in weekly conference calls with President Bush--"he and the president like to joke that the only thing they disagree on is what truck to drive."

'What truck to drive'--I wonder if that is some kind of cryptic butch gay Western lingo. It's a shame Will & Grace is no longer on the air to provide enlightenment on such matters, leaving us to forage on our own.

November 2, 2006, 7:48 PM |

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