10:00 a.m.-5 p.m.: Innumerable comments, forecasts, observations, soundbites, film clips, ads for drugs, trucks, shit.

5:00 p.m.: Kick-off. 22 men in tight costumes run at each other and jump in a hot sweaty pile.

5:06 p.m.: First team has possession of the "ball." They are beating up on the other team to get into their "end zone."

5:08 p.m: They all jump into a hot sweaty pile.

5:12 p.m. - 5:24 p.m.: Lots of play action, secret signals, tight ends, wide receivers.

1. Penetration very important. 
2. More hot sweaty piles.
3. Advertisements with homosexual subtexts and phallic imagery. And/or large breasts.
   

More hot sweaty piles.

Until the final whistle.

And then it's off to the showers and a game of hide the soap!

Yay for football! 

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